This is the transcript for the episode Smash Up Terby.
| (Corey is in the garage practicing his singing) | |
| Corey Riffin | How about this? |
| (Corey strums the guitar and the screen cuts to his next-door neighbor trimming the hedges with his butt crack showing) | |
| Corey (singing) | Butt Crack Neighbor
should have been a plumber. |
| Instead he got a green thumb. | |
| Somethin', somethin'... Bummer! Cue Pyro! | |
| (Kin is drinking milk and laughs so hard, milk comes out of Kon's nose) | |
| Corey | What? No good? |
| Laney Penn |
No, but a totally lowercase "no". |
| Corey | Swearsies? 'Cause you know I'm case sensitive. |
| Laney | Swearsies. Caps lock was way off on that no. |
| Corey | So you guys liked it then? |
| (Everyone sucks their teeth and then a blue star-shaped balloon pops in front of Corey) | |
| Corey | Aw, man! Why do I stink at writing lyrics? |
| Laney | Don't let the pressure get to you, Core, but the pressure's on! We take the stage at the carnival derby in an hour. The whole town will be there, listening! |
| Corey | No worries. I'm just a few lyrics shy of the perfect track. The only thing missing is words. So don't worry your pretty little rock 'n' roll faces. Nothing's gonna stand in our way. |
| (Corey opens Pinktastic's door revealing Trina sitting there) | |
| Trina Riffin | Dun, dun, dun. Alright, Garbage Band, here's the tall and skinny Trinaccino. If dad's making me drop you twazerpy twerps at the carnival in my car, then it's like totally my rules. That means... |
| (Trina points at Corey) | |
| Trina | No singing! |
| (Trina points at Kin) | |
| Trina | No nerding! |
| (Trina points at Laney) | |
| Trina | No shaving! |
| (Trina points at Kon) | |
| Trina | And like, no farting. |
| (Kon pulls Trina's finger making her fart and everyone gets in the car) | |
| Trina | Yuck. Mina, here, now! |
| (Mina gets into the car) | |
| Mina Beff | Already here. |
| Trina | ...And? |
| Mina | Oh, right! I love your hair, Trina. |
| Trina | Aw. Thanks, Mins. |
| (The garage door opens and Kate and Allie are there) | |
| Kate Persky/Allie Day | Grojband! |
| (Trina drives into Kate and Allie and they jump out of the way) | |
| Kate/Allie | Aaaaah! |
| (Trina drives off to the carnival) | |
| Allie [texting in emoticons] | Oh, my gosh. We totally almost got run over by Grojband! |
| Kate [texting in emoticons] | Like I know right? |
| Kate/Allie [both texting and squealing] | Eeeee! |
| (Scene changes to Trina recklessly driving Grojband to the carnival) | |
| (Trina swerves between lanes, causing a car to crash in an explosion) | |
| Trina | It's called a lane, loser. Pick one! |
| Kin Kujira | So if we make it there alive, what are we going to do for lyrics, Corey? |
| Corey | Trina's always got something juicy in her diary just ripe for the plucking. It's gonna be easy peasy lemon squeezy. |
| Kin | Great. Now I want lyrics and lemonade. |
| (Corey sneaks up behind Trina and Mina in the car and sees her diary in her purse) | |
| Trina | So like, how much do you think Nick Mallory likes me? Out of ten. |
| Mina | Ten for sure! |
| Trina | Okay. Don't blow smoke, Mina. |
| Mina | Oh, sorry. 8.6? |
| Trina | 8.6? What am I, a sewer rat? |
| (Corey returns to the backseats) | |
| Corey | Kon, you distract Trina while I grab lyrics from her diary. |
| Kon Kujira | With pleasure. |
| (Kon goes up to Trina) | |
| Kon | So, uh, Trina, did Corey mention that I am a volunteer fireman... in a video game that I am playing currently? |
| Trina | Ew! It's talking at me! |
| Mina | Uh, I think we're supposed to stop, drop and roll or something? |
| Trina | That's when you're drowning duh. |
| (Corey grabs Trina's diary; They get to the entrance of the Carnival Derby) | |
| Corey | Used it, trying to forget it, diarrhea in class. Hmm, we've used everything in here. |
| Laney | Core! We need lyrics now! |
| Corey | Well, we'll just have to get Trina to "update" her diary. |
| (Corey looks out the window and sees Nick Mallory) | |
| Corey | (Gasp) Hey, Trina, isn't that Hunky Nick Mallory? |
| (Trina become love struck for Nick and has a fantasy about him) | |
| Trina | (In her head): Nick Mallory's like such a babe. He's so not weak and junk and he smells so good and stuff and his eyes are as blue as sapphire earrings. |
| Trina | Everyone down! |
| (Trina pushes Grojband down; Trina gets up in Mina's face) | |
| Trina | I said everyone! |
| (Mina gets down in her seat; Trina rolls down the window and talks to Nick Mallory) | |
| Trina | Hey, Hunky Nick Mallory. |
| Nick | Well, well, well, Trina Riffin. You going to the carnival? |
| Trina | Why would anyone choose to... |
| (Trina gets cut off by Nick) | |
| Nick | Nick Mallory loves carnivals. |
| Trina | Me too! We're going. We as is me. Me am going. |
| (Mina gets up) | |
| Mina | We are? |
| (Trina kicks Mina in the head making her drop down to the floor again) | |
| Nick | Nice. Nick Mallory loves carnivals. |
| (Nick walks away and then three girls come up to his motor scooter and start hugging and kissing it; Trina picks up Mina by the collar.) | |
| Trina | At last I'm totes going to get my date with Hunky Nick Mallory. Don't forget your purse! |
| (Trina drops Mina and gets out of the car; All of the members of Grojband high fives each other; there is a wicked cool transition that shows the hands of Grojband all going together, transitioning to the ticket booth) | |
| Nick | One please. |
| Trina | Make that three. |
| Nick | Thanks, T, Nick Mallory will save the other two for later. |
| Corey | Okay, guys, operation make Trina look dumb in front of Hunky Nick Mallory so she'll write in her diary so we can steal her words and turn them into wicked lyrics is now in (takes deep breath) play! |
| Laney | Catchy title. |
| Corey | Kin and Kon, are you up to the task? |
| Kon | Pff. |
| Kin | Not a problem. Kin and Kon now entering annoying mode. |
| Kon | Beep beep boop boop boop boop boop! |
| (A guy with some balloons walks by) | |
| Kin/Kon | Oooh! |
| (Kin and Kon turn into ballons and fly away on their farts) | |
| Kin/Kon | Balloons! |
| Laney | Transformation complete. |
| (A wicked cool transition saying "Balloons and Transformers, Yeah!" and it transitions to Corey, Kin, Kon, and Laney spying on Trina and Nick with binoculars) | |
| Kin | I've got them in my sights. |
| (Corey taps Kin on the shoulder and he turns around) | |
| Kin | Ah, yes, I got them in my sights. |
| (Corey, Kin, Kon and Laney duck down when Nick walks by with Trina and Mina following him and looking in love) | |
| Corey | Okay, guys, time for our Grojband unity chant. Grojband! |
| Laney | Go get em! |
| Kin | Yay! |
| Kon | Dreams are weird. |
| (A wicked cool transition showing a bunch of electric guitars on screen while the singers sing "dreams are pretty weird" transitions to Trina, Mina, and Nick getting on a ride) | |
| Corey | One diary update coming up! |
| (Corey pulls the speed lever on the ride and makes the ride spin wildly out of control making Trina puke on everyone on the ride; everyone comes out of the ride covered in puke except for Nick Mallory) | |
| Nick | Nick Mallory knows someone who could use a mint. You. |
| Trina | Grrr! |
| (Trina starts to get really mad; Corey, Kin, Kon, and Laney are all spying in her from the bushes) | |
| Laney | She's gonna lose it! |
| (Trina take a mint) | |
| Mina | Uh, do you want... |
| (Trina grabs Mina's tongue and wipes the barf off of her face with it; Trina clams down) | |
| Laney | Well, she almost lost it. |
| Corey | Hmm ... I guess we're going to have to raise the bar. |
| (A wicked cool transition without any singing transitions to Kin and Kon talking on Wilkie talkies at the roller coaster) | |
| Kin | This is Rock god for music man. Come in music man |
| Kon | Ksht! Going for Rock god. Ksht! |
| Kin | No, Kon. I'm Rock god. You're music man. |
| Kon | Uh, negative I am Rock god over. |
| Kin | No! I'm ... forget it. Are you ready to initiate plan B over? |
| Kon | Ksht! Initiating plan B. Ksht! |
| Kin/Kon | Rock god over! |
| (Kon removes part of the roller coaster with a crane and replaces it with another roller coaster part that leads to outer space; Trina, Mina, and Nick start going on the roller coaster) | |
| Trina | It must be lonely up up in the front seat there. |
| Nick | Nick's good. |
| Trina | Do you want me to come up? |
| Nick | Nick's good. |
| (Trina, Mina and Nick get to the top of the roller coaster and they fall down going incrediblely fast, making Trina's cotton candy get stuck to her face and Kon takes a picture; after the ride, Trina is sitting in the bench still with the cotton candy on her face) | |
| Corey | Get ready, guys. |
| Nick | I didn't know you had a beard. |
| Trina | Uh, yes, I do have a very feminine pink beard. |
| Nick | Weird beard. |
| (Trina starts to get mad; Mina takes out a razor) | |
| Mina | You want, I should? |
| (Trina grabs the razor and shaves Mina's head) | |
| Laney | I don't believe it! What are we going to do, Core? Show's going to start any minute now! |
| Corey | We have loads of time. |
| Announcer | Coming up in very little time, Grojband will perform a brand new totally awesome song with totally new, unstolen lyrics that you should listen to very closely. |
| Corey | Uh, Heh heh ... heh. |
| Laney | Core! This is a total wreck! |
| Corey | Hmm, wreck, eh? You want a wreck? I'll give you a wreck. |
| (The next scene shows Grojband setting up the stage for their performance; they are wiring the stage so that Corey's microphone goes to the loudspeakers) | |
| Corey | There's only one thing Trina loves as much as Nick Mallory. |
| (Corey speaks into the louspeakers) | |
| Corey | Ladies and gentlemen, get your motor running for Peaceville's first ever smash up derby featuring a very special last minute entry from Trina Riffin! |
| (Kin spray paints the number four on Pinktastic) | |
| Trina | (Gasp!) Pinktastic! Grrr! |
| (Trina starts to get mad) | |
| Mina | Uh-oh. |
| (Kin, Kon, and Mina get out of the way as a dust storm forms around Trina) | |
| Corey | It's diary time for sure! |
| Trina | Rrrrr! |
| Nick | Hey-hey, Trina. |
| (Trina's anger goes away) | |
| Nick | You're in the derby too? |
| Trina | What? Yeah, I love terbies. |
| Nick | Derbies. |
| Trina | Uh-huh. Let's go smash our cars into each other and ruin them because it's fun and makes sense. |
| Nick | Nick says yes. |
| Laney | Wow. Your sister is totally freak proof today. |
| Corey | It's like she's given us no other choice. |
| Kin/Kon | Let's get smashing. |
| (The cars get ready for the derby) | |
| Corey | Ladies and gentlemen, let's wreck stuff! |
| (The audience cheers) | |
| Trina | No! |
| Corey | And a special bonus to anyone who takes out car number four! |
| (The audience cheers) | |
| Trina | Boo! |
| (The starting gun goes off and the cars all start going) | |
| Corey | (offscreen): Who's gonna take out car number four? |
| (Some cars crash and explode) | |
| Corey | (offscreen): Not those guys. |
| (Trina looks at Nick and imagines him as a knight riding a horse and imagines herself as a princess; they are destroying all the other cars and keeping themselves perfectly in tact) | |
| Trina | (offscreen): We're completely not losing together, Nick. |
| Man | (offscreen): I'm okay. |
| (Trina and Nick come to a stop) | |
| Trina | What a great first date. It's so romantic and things. |
| Corey | (offscreen): We're down to two cars. |
| Corey | Who will win the final... |
| (Laney strums bass) | |
| Corey | ...death... |
| (Laney strums guitar and pictures of skulls come out) | |
| Corey | ...round? |
| (Laney strums her guitar) | |
| Trina | Final death round? Nick? |
| Nick | Nick Mallory's got a race to win. Catch you on the flip-flop. |
| (Nick Mallory drives off and Trina gets covered in mud. She gets so mad, that the mud breaks off of her and the skies start turning dark and full of storm clouds and sand storms start forming around her) | |
| Corey | We have lift off. |
| (Trina growls and goes into diary mode. After she's done, Corey gets her diary.) | |
| Corey | It's showtime. |
| (Grojband gets on stage and sings) | |
| (song begins) | |
| Corey | Tire Tracks |
| All | Tire Tracks |
| Corey | You drove them straight through my heart. |
| In your hot, hot, hot, hurt cart. (?) | |
| That's what I'm calling your car now. | |
| Side Swipe! | |
| All | Side swiped! |
| Corey | I just wanted some time to chill |
| but you sprayed mud all up in my grille. | |
| Teenage angst. | |
| All | Fast lane! |
| Corey | No thanks. |
| I-I I'm way too yes for second best. | |
| I stop and stare don't see. | |
| All | Don't care. |
| Corey | Kiss my derriere |
| or call me! | |
| (song ends) | |
| (Trina and Nick run out of gas and their cars lightly tap each other, and a heart shaped puff of smoke comes out of their engines; the audience sits and stares for a while and then they cheer; there is a wicked cool transition showing Kon being carried by a crowd of fans which transitions to Grojband after the performance; Kate and Allie run up to them) | |
| Allie | Check out all the money we made selling unauthorized overpriced Grojband merchandise. |
| (Allie shows him a box of cash) | |
| Corey | Hey, hey, hey! That's a lot of do re for me! |
| (Trina takes the box away) | |
| Trina | Yoink! That should like totally cover Pinktastic's repairs with enough left over for a proper date with Hunky Nick Mallory. |
| (Nick Mallory passes by being carried on his motor scooter by some girls) | |
| Nick | I'm Nick Mallory. |
| Trina | Follow that hunk! |
| (Trina gets on top of Mina) | |
| Trina | Giddy up! |
| Laney | So, Core, any inspiration for your own lyrics from all this? |
| Corey | Nope, nothing's really jumping out at me. |
| (Spotlight Shines on Corey) | |
| Corey | The way I see it, we're just waiting on a moment. Our moment. It might not come wrapped in a bow or on a gust of wind but someday, we'll get what passion brings and until then, I stand beside you as one. |
| (Spotlight turns off) | |
| Laney | Core! Those would have made some killer lyrics! |
| Corey | And maybe someday, I'll figure out how to write some lyrics all on my own. Thanks for coming out, everybody. |
| (Corey closes garage door and the episode ends) |