Hello there. My name is SonicMinions99. Just picture this in your head. Let's say that Universal Pictures hired Steven Spielberg, one of the greatest directors in movie history, to team up with Illumination Entertainment, the creators of Despicable Me to get in contact with Neptoon Studios to crate a film adaptation of the wicked cool cartoon that we're right here for. I mean, it probably won't ever happen. Tough, isn't it? That's why I created the story that you're about to read! If I were you, I'd watch the video before reading the story.
Our story begins at the broad ocean. The camera jogs to the left where sits a solitary little island where palm tress form the shape of a guitar above some other green plants while playing the last few bits of the instrumental Grojband theme song. The camera zooms through the jungle and halts at a beach. A man pulls a lifeboat on the sand, dragging an ore. A very tall ship sits off the coast. Dressed in a waistcoat & floppy hat, the man unfurls an ancient map where an X marks a spot on an island. He holds it up, facing across the beach to the jungle. Then marches in. Over the jungle, words appear.
UNIVERSAL PICTURES PRESENTS
He hacks through the foliage.
A TODD KAUFFMAN/STEVEN SPIELBERG/CHRIS MELEDANDRI PRODUCTION
The long-bearded man hooks his face through the fronze and checks the map. Something catches his eye. A skull atop a wooden sign that reads “Booby Traps”!
He hacks it down and tramples over a skeleton. A tarantula crawls out of the skull. Beneath bushy brows, his eyes sparkle at the sight of a clearing where a skeleton holds an ancient book. On it's cover is the image of a diary with a heart on it.
THE GROJBAND MOVIE
Rock-Beard:There you are, my lovely.
He does some fancy footwork along the paving stones, setting off huge spikes that erupt from between the rocks behind and beside him. He reaches the skeleton.
Rock-Beard:What's that? Take the book? I don't mind if I do!
Within a blur, he swipes the book from the skeleton.
Rock-Beard:At last! It is mine! Finally, you are mine.
The skeleton, which has fallen, gets back up. The pirate takes a boxing stance.
Rock-Beard:All right. Let's do this. Bare knuckles. Bring it on, skinny. You don't scare me.
The skeleton swings and misses. Then, finally succeeds, sending him across the water to his ship. The Orb Experience play cards on the deck.
G'ORB:You got any sevens?
The pirate crashes down between them.
Rock-Beard:Is that all you got?
He kisses the book. Tucking it under his arm, he grabs a rope and swings to the quarter deck, hauling up the anchor and lowering the main sail. He grabs the wheel and leans back as the ship's haul glides through the water. Now, he steps out of the crow's nest and lands at the captain's chair where he presses the “Auto-Pirate” button on the ship's wheel. He sits back and opens the book. It has a library pocket inside the cover.
Rock-Beard:Man, this is way overdue.
The story now becomes animated.
Rock-Beard:Once upon a time, in another dimension that is, there was a little town called Peaceville. In this town, there was a band called Grojband, who made folks come to watch them play all types of music genres. Every band has a lead singer, and the one who worked here was named Corey Riffin.
The Orb Experience land around the pirate singing the Grojband theme song. He gestures impatiently as they continue their antics.
Rock-Beard:STOP! There's only one thing worse than talking orbs, and that would be SINGING ORBS!
G'ORB:Okay, I promise not to si-i-i-ng.
Endo skull orbs in a cage.
B'ORB:Take it from us.
D'ORB:He really does hate singing orbs.
N'ORB:Just keep reading. Please, Mr. Pirate, sir.
Rock-Beard:Come closer while I tell you the tale.
Z'ORB:Okay, start reading.
Rock-Beard:No, not that close! Yeah. All right, here we go.
Back to animation.
Rock-Beard:Now, Corey loved his job as a lead singer more than anything. And that is saying a lot because he loved everything! He loved his twin friends, Kin & Kon. Then comes his best friend, Laney.
He holds Laney in his arms.
Rock-Beard:He loved playing video games and eating from his favorite fast food restaurant, Belchy's. He loved singing and playing his guitar for the folks of Peaceville just as much as they loved going to his band's concerts. Why, you may ask, do they love this small, indie band so much? Why did they go there after breakfast, lunch, and dinner, despite their doctor's warnings?
Harold's doctor:He'll be gone in a week.
Harold's wife:Oh, Harold!
Harold, his doctor & his grieving wife all listen to Grojband's music.
Robot-Beard:It was a secret. No one was sure what was in these songs that made them so catchy. And, frankly, no one cared, except for the Newmans. The Newmans lived in a house right across the street from Grojband where no one went because the songs were really bad.
Carrie:Now, is that really necessary?
Lenny:He's kinda right, Carrie. How could somebody build a city on Rock and Roll?
Robot-Beard:Carrie had made it her life's work to steal the source of Grojband's music.
Carrie:Corey, please, let's talk about this!
Rock-Beard:And Corey was always there to protect it. But today, things would be different.
Corey empties the trash.
Kon:Good morning, Corey.
Corey:Morning, Kon. You here for your pre-lunch band practice?
Kon:I'm having double band practice today. One for me and one for my friend.
Corey:Have I met this friend?
Kon:You know me, Corey.
He squeezes his belly like a mouth.
Corey:I'll find an instrument for you, Kon's tummy.
As Kon leaves, Corey looks up at a military plane. It drops a giant jar of tartar sauce from the bomb holder. Kin counts his money below.
Kin:13, 14, 15-
Corey:Hey, Kin, do you find it strange that a giant jar of tartar sauce is about to hit us?
Tarter sauce explodes everywhere.
The plane flies off as they watch through dripping tarter sauce.
Kin:So, it's a food fight she wants, eh?
Carrie:Welcome to Air Newmans. Please put your seat backs and tray tables up as we're now approaching our final destination.
An anti-arcraft gun rises from the roof of the Grojband house.
Kin:Okay, Kon, load the potatoes!
Kon:Mashed or scalloped, sir?
Kin:No, Kon. Raw.
Kon:Sir, ys, sir!
He loads potatoes into the gun.
Kon:Locked and loaded!
Corey:Don't worry, Trina's diary, you'll be safe in her room. Fire!
Potatoes shoot out like bullets.
Carrie swings the plane to dodge them.
Kin:She's closing in!
Kon:I think we have a few minutes before she gets here.
Kin flips the binoculars.
Kon:She's right on top of us!
The propellers chop the potatoes. Party Danimal looks up.
Danimal:Hey, it's raining fries!
Carrie:It's gonna take a lot more than potatoes to bring this baby down.
Potatoes slam into the nose and shear into the wings.
Carrie:Or maybe not.
Inside the groj, people watch the plane go down.
Kin:Wait a minute, Kon, look! He's got a tank!
A tank descends on a parachute. Carrie loads a pickle in the barrel.
Carrie:Well, Garboj-band, you're certainly in a pickle now!
With the Grojband house in her sight, she launches the pickle. Kin and Kon, in war helmets, recoil in horror, then do a slo-mo leap as the pickle explodes.
Danimal:Hey, it's raining pickles! Now it's raining-
The tank flattens him.
Carrie drives away.
Kin & Kon are battered. They peek over the sandbags. Kin takes out his cell phone.
Kin:Your orders, sir!
Laney:For the last time, Kin, I'm not a dude! Also, I'm here for band practice.
Kin:Wrong number! Your orders, sir!
Corey:Extra ketchup! Extra mustard! Hold the mayo!
Kin:Yes, sir! Extra ketchup! Extra mustard!
Kon:Hold the mayo!
Corey:Unleash the condiments!
Wearing a headband, he fires a ketchup bottle while Kon lifts a huge jar of mayo. Carrie charges. He's out of ammo.
He grins at Kon who still holds the mayo. A new clip of ammo.
Laney:Hello? Hello? Guess you don't want my company.
Corey:Company? I'm sorry, Lanes, but band practice is cancelled today. Take this with you! It's our next method of getting Trina angry.
Corey hands Laney the paper with said method. However, she is unamused with the plan.
Laney:This definitely won't work.
She crumples up the paper and throws it in the trash in a sneaky way. Pickles are incoming. Kon's arms quiver.
Kon:I can't hold the mayo any longer!
With a mighty thrust, he throws it, smashing the jar and Carrie's path.
Carrie:Mayo? Well, it's going to take a lot more than mayo to stop-
She hits the mountain of mayo and explodes, splattering Kin and Kon.
A pile of mayonnaise shakes and out of it steps a gigantic Carrie robot with the real Carrie controlling it from atop it's head.
Kon:I just remembered it's game night at Nick Mallory's!
Kon runs away.
Kin:Robot! Robot! Robot! Giant robot!
Kin bolts arms up.
Kin:Robot! Robot! Corey! Carrie's here and she's got a giant robot!
Corey:Quick, dude, bar the door!
He puts a chair under the knob.
The robot crushes the Grojband house. Kin is flattened by the locked door.
Carrie:I'll take one diary to go.
The robot tears away more ceiling and reaches for Corey who protects Trina's room's door safe. The robot sparks out, frozen in it's threatening stance, out of fuel.
Carrie:What in the name of El Chewpoocaca? I'm out of gas? I'm not through yet. I've got something that will make your sister hand over that diary. Something she can't resist.
A binder labeled “Nick Mallory”.
Carrie:Yes! That's...That's...That's impossible!
Carrie:Well, it was full of paintings just last week! And then I sold a few for that airplane and the materials so I could build that tank.
Corey:Sounds to me like someone's just a wee bit unpopular!
Carrie:Well, Grojband, I guess you've won. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet, from A to Z, trying to disband you. And Trina, my last Nick Mallory painting. Besides, how could I possibly sell something that's not inspired by a famous painting anyway?
Trina:You could give it to me. Just a suggestion.
Carrie:Here, take it.
Trina puts it in her Nick Mallory closet and goes full-on diary mode(happy). After that, Corey grabs the diary, puts that in the closet and then...
Carrie:You've taken everything else. Why not?
Corey:Well, Carrie, like a reheated Belchy Burger, you've been foiled again.
He drops Carrie.
Kin:I guess this means your sister's diary is safe forever, right, Corey?
Corey:It sure does, dude. Why don't you scurry along?
Defeated, she walks along a gauntlet of laughing citizens.
Corey:Thanks for coming out, Carrie!
Trina:She's been out there crying for 20 minutes. Pathetic. Mina, I'm just going to go out there and gloat a little. You make sure my diary is safe...OR ELSE!
She scampers off. Trina grins and Mina looks terrified. Meanwhile, Carrie has managed to smuggle herself into Trina's closet inside of the last Nick Mallory picture she gave her. She cracks her back.
Carrie:Lamb Chop to Laptop. Come in, Laptop.
Kim:”Laptop”. You do realize that nickname is demeaning? My PC has twice the processing power of a laptop.
Carrie:Never mind. Maintain radio silence.
She spots the diary amongst the piles of Nick Mallory photos.
A green light glows from the diary's platform.
Carrie:A pressure plate, eh, Trina? Amateur hour.
The closet door opens(Mina hides under the bed, so she isn't really paying attention)and she sees a miniature cruise ship in a bottle.
Carrie pushes the ship out. She recreates the diary by painting over a generic diary.
Carrie:Not a bad likeness. Good enough to fool those Groj-idiots! Easy, easy.
She replaces the original diary and the light stays green.
Trina & friends:Nick Mallory? Yes! Carrie Beff? No!
Corey:Look at Trina & friends go. I've never seen them gloat this hard before.
Trina:Hey, well, Carrie, my friends say it's time to stop gloating.
She picks up Carrie.
Trina:Looks like you're falling apart at the seams.
She unravels a string.
Carrie-Bot:Poor me. Sob ,sob.
One of the bottles rolls out of the closet.
Carrie:That ain't good.
Alarm voice:Initiating lockdown sequence.
A wide-eyed Corey covers his ears.
Bars fall on the windows and steel doors slam shut. Vents close. All the visitors look around them. The toilet slams shut.
Trina:No, no, no! No! Mina! Open up!
Carrie-Bot:Victory dance. Boo-ya.
Corey:Give me that!
Carrie:Come on, Corey, join the Newmans! And we'll be rich and powerful, until I eventually betray you. Join me!
Corey:No! Never! I'm on Grojband for life!
Trina pulls back the iron doors bare-handed.
Carrie & Corey play tug-of-war with the diary. It disintegrates.
Corey:What? Where did it go?
Carrie:Wait a minute. Molecular deconstruction? Kim proved that to be a scientific impossibility seven times!
Corey:Wait a minute. I think I forgot to submit Kin's panda bear for this year's Meme-Con.
Trina bursts in and Mina emerges from the bed.
Trina:Where's my diary, Carrie?
Carrie:I..I don't know! It just disappeared!
Trina:Why should I believe you, you lying liar?
Mina:Normally, I'd agree with you, Trina, but this time, she's telling the truth.
Corey:Yeah, it just vanished!
Trina nabs Carrie and tapes her to a chair.
Corey:Trina, I'm telling you, she's innocent!
Mina:I can't watch this!
Carrie:What are you going to do, Trina? Pour hot oil on me? Or put bamboo shoots under my nails?
Trina:No. Knock, knock.
Carrie:Knock-knock jokes? I can do this all day, Trina.
Carrie:Oh, boy. Who's there?
Trina:Jimmy back my diary, Carrie!
Carrie:Well, that's stupid, but how is it torture?
Corey:Jimmy back my diary? I get it!
Carrie's eyes bug out. Trina is calm under headphones.
Carrie:Make it stop, Trina! Make it stop!
Trina's eyes are closed.
Corey runs wildly around the room as Carrie's eyes widen in terror. A tower of 100 Coreys.
Kin:Corey, zip it!
Carrie:Thank you, Kin.
Kin:The visitors are getting restless! They're asking for refunds. Refunds.
The word “Refund” floats through the headphones and out.
Trina:An angry mob at my brother's Garboj-band is like, so amusing and junk!
The word then floats into Corey's ear.
Corey:Well, I better get in there and cook up some fresh new lyrics somehow!
Trina:All right, Carrie.
Carrie is gone.
Kin:Corey! What's wrong, dude?
The lyrics cabinet is empty.
Kin:We're out of lyrics?
Corey:How can we make more lyrics without Trina's diary?
Kin:You've got to have that one idea of getting Trina in a certain mood somewhere in that head of yours!
Corey:First of all, I kinda gave it to Lanes.
Corey:Secondly, as you are aware, the bandmate handbook clearly states, and I quote, “No bandmate may, in part or in whole disclose the top secret way to get lyrics to any recorded written or visual form, including memories, dreams and/or needlepoint”.
Kin:Curse you, fine print!
Every visitor lifts the stage with Kin sitting on it after he jumps onto it in order to find a happy place.
They drop Kin.
Trina:They're not your enemies! The Newmans are your enemies!
Kin:So are they anemones or human beings?
A logo on a set of drums reads “BAD PUNZ”.
Mayor Mellow:Well, somebody had to do it.
Kin knocks her out of the way and draws a picture on the other side.
Kin:They took this from you!
A picture of a few music notes.
Mick:Mick Mallory can almost hear it.
Corey:Kin & Trina, Carrie didn't take the latter's diary!
Trina:Not now, Corey!
Kon enters the garage and the picture of the music notes is tossed at him.
Kon:Hey! I need drums if I wanna work with this!
Trina:So join me! Help get the diary back!
Kin:And each and every one of you will get an insider's access to our next song for free! No! Wait! Even better, a slight discount!
Trina:To the Newmans!
Corey:But she didn't do it.
Carrie:I had it right in my greedy little mitts, and then Poof! And now it's gone. Gone forever. I was so close to gaining the people's respect/fear.
Carrie:When will my frustration/humiliation end?
Carrie:Not now, Lens! I'm ranting/raving. Alright, what is it?
Konnie:Well, we were trying to tell you there's an angry mob outside.
Lenny:But now they're inside.
Lenny:We just help her out.
Trina:We'd like to have a word with you!
Carrie:You all look very impatient. Can I play anybody that Titanic song?
Trina:Enough with the niceties, Carrie! This is the last time I'm going to ask you. Where is my diary?
Carrie:I told you, Trina, I don't have it.
Corey:Stop! All right, guys, let me get in on this.
Snarling, Corey approaches.
Carrie:What's going on around here?
Corey:You may want to step back a little, Kin. This could get messy.
Kin:Let's hope so.
Corey:So you won't talk, eh, Carrie? I didn't want to have to do this. Carrie, here comes the pain. Kin, please hand me your bubble machine.
Kin:Way ahead of you!
Kin runs to the garage and comes back out with his bubble machine.
Kin:Soap in the eye, eh?
Trina:That is like so diabolical and junk!
He blows a bubble and traps Carrie.
Carrie:No! Stop! Don't!
Trina:Wait! That didn't look painful!
Corey:Kin, you may not understand what I'm about to do today, but someday we'll look back and have a good laugh.
He steps in the bubble.
Kin:Wait a minute!
Captain Tighty Whitey:Hey, they be getting away!
Kin:So, you've been running a long con on us, eh? All these years you've been a part of the Newmans!
Barney:They're in cahoots!
Kin:Yeah, I guess that's a short way of saying it. Stop that bubble!
A crowd follows beneath, hurling objects at the rising bubble. A football knocks it into a spin and Torbo throws Two Junior at the bubble who clings to the outside.
Two Junior:Please tell me there's something soft below me!
Corey & Carrie:Nope.
Kin:COREY! He was like a third nonidentical brother to me!
Trina:Yeah! I know exactly how this scenario feels!
Mina:You deserved that!
Kin:That's besides the point. I mean, Corey, one of my best friends in the whole world? Working with our sworn enemies?
Trina:Are we going to downplay the fact that I have a missing diary?
Kin:Oh yeah. Go ahead.
Trina:You know what that means, Mina.
Mina:I get the rest of the day off?
Trina:No! This means a harbinger of what I fear lies ahead.
Kin:For all of Peaceville! The music is what ties us all together!
Trina:Shut your mouth, Scott Pilgrim! Anyway, without my diary, there will be a complete breakdown of social order. A war of all against all! Dark times are ahead. Dark times indeed!
Trina drops to the ground.
Mina:Yeah. Aren't you overreacting a bit?
The scene turns apocalyptic.
Kin:Welcome to the apocalypse, ladies.
Mina:I hope you like leather, Trina.
Trina:I prefer suede.
They flee as smoke fills from the city in barbed wire and flames.
Rock-Beard:And so, Peaceville became an apocalyptic cesspool forevermore. The end.
The pirate shuts the book and stretches.
N'ORB:Wait a minute. That's a terrible ending.
G'ORB:This is bad! Really bad! Corey's in trouble and the story's over?
An orb hits a bell.
Z'ORB:Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
G'ORB:Hey, call a therapist!
T'ORB:I have anxiety! I'm sorry, but there is no way that that's the end of the story!
Rock-Beard:Of course it is. I'll show you. Just turn around.
He plucks the mouth off.
T'ORB:Hey! I need that to talk, you jerk.
He uses the mouth to write.
“The End” appears as the credits roll.
T'ORB:That's not the end!
T'ORB grabs the pages in a tug of war with the pirate.
Robot-Beard:Of course it is! Unhand that book! You let go of that!
T'ORB:Let go, you numbskull!
The pirate falls backwards through the deck.
Z'ORB:You better keep reading, Mr. Pirate.
They take out ink guns a la Splatoon and aim them.
They raise their bodies.
T'ORB:I know I shouldn't be littering, but that ending was trash!
T'ORB drops the “The End” page into the ocean and it sinks, but some fish end up blowing it away to various places around the world before arriving above a beach in Florida where a portal magically appears in the sky and sucks the page in. It drifts down to the apocalyptic Peaceville. Kon enters a bleak version of Belchy's where a mohawked Gigi stands.
Kon:Good morning, Gigi. I'll have the usual.
A flaming car crashes through the ceiling.
Gigi:Don't you get it? We're affiliated with you! No Grojband songs means no Belchy Burgers!
Kon:No Belchy Burgers? No!
Suddenly, he's in a vest with a hammer taped to his forehead.
Corey:Look what's become of Peaceville. We've really gotta get that diary back.
Carrie:Get Trina's diary, you say? Excuse me, I need a moment. With that diary, I could rule the world!
Corey:You know I can hear you, right?
Carrie:Well, what do we do now?
Corey:Now we work together. You know, teamwork.
Corey:No, Carrie, teamwork.
Carrie:Tie 'em work.
Carrie:Tie 'em up!
Corey:Say “team”, like a sports...
Corey:Team. Now say “work”.
Corey:Put them together. What do you got?
Carrie:Time bomb work.
Laney's house is an oasis in the chaos.
Cherry Grapestain(on the TV):Kiss me, vampire!
Kon:Belchy Burger! Belchy Burger! Belchy Burger! Belchy Burger!
She pulls the burger away from her mouth. Then back, watching Kon's reaction. She stuffs it in her mouth and swallows it.
Kon:Come on, tummy, it's gonna be a long day.
Chance Happening:We interrupt your regular program for a special edition of “What Dat?” with Buzz Newsworthy!
Buzz Newsworthy:Thank you, Chance Happening. “Dat” would be right here in downtown Peaceville. Complete chaos here today as our town attempts to deal with a sudden and complete shortage of not just Grojband music, but also Belchy Burgers. Events here have me wondering, what is the secret to Grojband's music anyway?
3D Dave:It's love! The secret ingredient is love!
He swings a club.
Laney:No more Belchy Burgers? If I'd have known that, I'd have chewed it slower. Wait! No more Grojband!?
An object flies into her room via the window.
Laney:What the corndog is that?
The page lands on her video game shelf.
Corey:Come on, Carrie, it's easy! It means, I help you, you help me, and when we accomplish our goal, then we do hands in the middle.
Carrie:Hands in the middle? No, no. Sounds idiotic. Besides, the two of us are no match for that cranky mob!
A donut store sign is torn down.
Carrie:We could probably use a few more teim works.
Corey:That's exactly what I was thinking!
Carrie:Wait, what are you doing?
Corey jabs a finger for emphasis and pops the bubble. They land hard.
Kon:I need Belchy Burgers!
Corey:Kon, what are you doing?
Kon:Belchy Burgers! Vandalizing stuff.
Carrie:Isn't that your house?
Kon:Hey, what's with all the questions? Who are you guys?
Corey:It's me, your best friend! Corey?
Kon:Yeah? Well, if you're Corey, then what's the secret password?
Corey & Carrie:Uh...
Kon:Correct! It is you! Corey!
He jumps on him.
Carrie is flattened.
Kon:Why aren't you stealing lyrics from Trina?
Corey:Well, I'd love to, but the diary's gone.
Kon:Yeah, Kin & Trina say you and Carrie took it.
Corey:No, that's not what happened. It just disappeared. We're putting a team together to find it.
Kon:A team? Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
Corey:Okay, Kon, you're in.
Carrie:I don't know, Corey. What exactly does this clown bring to the tiem.
Corey:He brings loyalty, Carrie. Loyalty. Isn't that right, Kon?
Kon:Yeah, yeah, loyalty. I've got Corey! He's over here!
Kin:Let's go get him!
Carrie:Come on, Corey, let's get out of here!
Kon sits on him.
Corey:Kon, why are you doing this?
Kon:Because I need Belchy Burgers! Hurry up! I'm hungry! Over here!
Corey digs down and pops up a few feet away, along with Kon's behind. He runs off with Carrie. The mob chases them, passing Kon.
Kon:Guys, am I still on the team?
To his behind:
Kon:Hey, what are you looking at?
Corey and Carrie sprint away. They go near Laney's house.
They enter the house.
He and Carrie walk through the house. A giant game room at it's center.
Corey:Lanes? Lanes, are you home? Gee, Carrie, I wonder where she is. What is all of this stuff? Laney?
He turns, eyes wide.
Laney:Don't touch that!
She lands on him and runs off. She reads a book.
Corey:Laney? Are you okay?
Laney:Okay? Have you looked outside? Does that seem “okay” to you? I'm trying to figure out what happened to society. If we don't fix it soon, there won't be anything left to fix!
Corey:Laney? The lack of new Grojband songs has driven her mad.
Laney:And I think I figured it out! Look.
The “The End” page from the book.
Laney:When this came down from above, I knew it could only mean one thing.
Corey:And that would be?
Laney:It means it's the end! The music gods are angry with us!
Corey & Carrie:Music gods?
Laney:I just don't know how we're going to appease them!
Corey and Carrie glance at each other.
Carrie:You got any other friends who aren't dim bulbs or nut jobs?
Corey:Well, I do know one guy.
The mob goes past the game stadium from Dueling Buttons as Corey & Carrie hide behind the wall.
Corey:Savage Fred? I'm back.
The stadium is ransacked.
He goes downstairs.
Green pixels fall on their faces and they get sucked into an 8-bit world.
Corey:But it means Savage Fred is close by! Savage Fred, I'm back!
Fred sits high on a throne in a dark chamber.
Corey:Hey, Savage Fred, Carrie and I need you to help us find Trina's diary and fix Peaceville.
Savage Fred:I don't have to do as you say!
Corey:What do you mean, you don't have to do as I say? I beat you at Solo Shredder for crying out loud!
Savage Fred:True, but I'm still the King of Video Games.
Corey:What do you mean “King of Video Games”? Savage Fred, you get down here right now and join this team!
Savage Fred:Seize them!
Corey:What do you mean “seize them”?
They're surrounded by dozens of angry classic video game characters. They race out of the pixel world.
Carrie:Why are you running?
Corey:Because they're bogeys on our tail.
They turn and see the video game characters still stuck inside the screen.
Corey:Right, pixel world.
Carrie:Well, so much for your teim.
Corey:Putting together a team is a lot harder than I thought it would be!
Carrie:We better get out of here until things cool off.
Nighttime. Peaceville is still in flames while Corey and Carrie watch from above beneath the stars.
Corey:Everything we know and love has been destroyed.
Carrie:Yeah, looks like they're gonna have to change the name of Peaceville to Warville. Right, Corey?
Corey:That's kind of violent, Carrie.
Carrie:Yeah. Yeah, too soon, huh?
Corey:This feels like it really is the end.
Carrie:Don't worry, Corey, we'll find the diary and everything will go back to the way it was, you know, all happy and junk.
She pushes in a rock.
Carrie:Now let's try and get some sleep.
Corey's mouth is down turned. His eyes glassy.
Corey:Yeah, I guess you're right.
He curls stiffly against the rock. Carrie covers him with a plant.
Carrie:Here you are. Feel comfy?
Corey:You know, Carrie, I think you might know a little bit more about teamwork than you let on.
Carrie:Good night, Corey.
Corey:Good night, Carrie.
Carrie:Good night, indeed.
She goes to his side.
Carrie:That's right, Corey, sleep. You're hiding those lyrics in there somewhere.
She takes off his beanie hat and enters Corey's brain.
Carrie:Well, here goes nothing.
She pushes into the brainfolds. It's the Bubble Bunch world.
Carrie:Why does this place look familiar?
Bobby Blue and Randy Red chase each other. Gary Green and Yosef Yellow play.
Carrie:It's so familiar in here! I think my brain is getting a deja vu-ache!
Kin & Kon animatronics:Hello, Carrie. Come and play with us. Hurry. Before we explode into green slime.
The Kin & Kon animatronics do so and Carrie's only method of escape is through a big cliff. Carrie bounces. From the ground around her comes a whole bunch of colored parts that come together, rise up onimously and assemble themselves into the Laney puppet.
Carrie:So much creepyness. I think I'm going to be sick!
She vomits a sparkly rainbow with a face. It grins.
Her eyes go glassy. She volts out of Corey's head.
Corey:Carrie? Carrie! I just had the craziest dream and you were in it!
Carrie:I'm sure it was nothing.
She's covered in multicolored metal.
Carrie:Now go back to sleep.
Corey:Were you in my brain?
Carrie:What? No! That's crazy talk!
Corey:Then why is there metal on your beanie?
Carrie:Because, because...Okay, fine, I was in your brain.
Corey:What were you doing in there?
Carrie:What do you think I was doing? Looking for some original lyrics.
Carrie:Don't act so innocent. You knew what I was up to. That's why you're pretending not to know any lyrics from your past gigs.
Corey:I'm not pretending! I can't believe you thought I was lying.
Carrie:Hey, don't take it personally. I just assume everyone is lying.
Corey:That is a horrible way to live your life.
Corey:It is! And if we're going to be on the same team-
Carrie:Maybe I don't want to be on the teim! You think of that?
Corey:But, Carrie, everything's better when you're part of a team. In fact, I think I'm able to remember Trina's last diary entry.
Carrie:You're not gonna sing it, are you?
Carrie:All right, you can put me down. Well, that's one minute of my life I'll never get back.
Corey:Not without a time machine.
Carrie:Wait a minute. Hold that thought.
He grabs a thought bubble.
Carrie:Now back up. Slow down.
Corey(in slo-mo):Not without a time machine.
She jumps near him.
Carrie:Corey, you're a genius!
Carrie:If we build a time machine, we can go back to before the diary disappeared. Before society broke down! Before we became the hunted!
Corey:That sounds great, Carrie, but how do we build a time machine?
Carrie:Well, first we'll need a computer powerful enough to calculate the intricacies of time travel.
Corey:Where would we get one of those?
Gotta find a computer!
Carrie:There they are. My friends. They've got them tied up in the basement. I've never seen this many people on my property.
Corey:I've never seen anyone there.
Carrie:Now was that really necessary?
Corey:Cause the music is really bad.
Carrie:Come on! Really?
Corey:How are we gonna sneak past those guards?
A truck tire volts the cliff and rolls swiftly towards the Newmans house, followed by guard tower lights. It circles and flops over.
Chloe:Well, what do we have here?
Chloe, Kate & Allie beat the tire with bats and clubs.
Corey:We better hurry. Those girls really hate tires.
Concealed in a sack of tires, they tiptoe to the Newmans house. Carrie tries the door.
Carrie:We'll never get in. The door's locked.
Corey:Wait. The window is open. Come on, Carrie, it's time for some teamwork. Give me a boost.
Carrie:Okay. Wait a minute, no!
Corey squashes her underfoot.
Corey:Just a little higher, Carrie.
He checks the bottom of his shoe.
Carrie:Why don't you boost me up instead?
Corey:Yeah, good thinking.
With a stretch, he wipes Carrie off of his shoe and on to the windowsill. Carrie jumps down and opens the door.
Carrie:Come on, Corey, come on!
He pops out of the door.
Corey slams the door. Carrie's in his face.
Carrie:There's a guard over there!
Carrie:Let's take the key from around his neck. We're gonna have to be very quiet. Let's walk on the tips of our toes.
She jumps down and skitters across the room.
Kon flops to the floor asleep. Carrie hulsts and checks his foot as Corey keeps up the skitter noise. He's playing a piano app on his phone.
Carrie:Will you stop playing that piano app? You're gonna get us caught.
They sneak up on Kon.
Carrie:Now just reach over and grab it.
A skeleton key rests on Kon's belly.
Kon:Halt! Who goes there?
He goes back to sleep in the chair. Corey, frozen in midstep, glances at Carrie and continues. He pulls down the key string around Kon's neck.
Carrie:Stop! Pull it over his head!
Kon's fat won't allow it.
Carrie:Stop, stop, stop!
The fat falls back into place in waves.
Carrie:Let me get over there.
Carrie inspects Kon's body and breaks the string holding the key. He and Corey exchange thumbs up. Then, the key slides down Kon's slick body. Carrie in pursuit. It bounces. Carrie's hand bounces. Corey chews his nails. Carrie's finger rides the key towards the bellybutton. They bounce. Carrie catches it as it goes in Kon's naval. But it descends into the naval anyway.
Corey snatches Carrie's finger and the key out of the big bellybutton, waking Kon who grabs a whistle.
Corey:No! Carrie, help!
He tries to wrestle Kon.
Corey:I'll rock him, you tell him a bedtime story.
Carrie:Once upon a time, there was a big fat drummer idiot who went to sleep. The end!
Kon:Nice try, but it's gonna take more than that to-
He falls sound asleep. Lenny, Kim & Konnie are tied to a dungeon wall.
Konnie:For the last time, we don't have the diary, you monsters!
Carrie:Hey, girls, how are you?
Lenny:Carrie! My hero.
Kim:You must need something otherwise you wouldn't have come back.
Corey:Carrie has a plan to save Peaceville.
He unlocks their shackles and they fall face-first onto the floor. Lenny picks herself up while Carrie picks Konnie up and Corey picks Kim up.
Lenny:It doesn't matter, Carrie. Trina knows all your plans.
Kim:Yeah. Kin's been through my hard drive looking for the lyrics.
Carrie:I never had it, but we're going to get it. We're gonna go back in time to steal the diary before it disappeared.
Kim:Time travel! Where are you gonna find a computer that can do that? Wait a minute!
A searchlight sweeps the Newmans house as Corey struggles with Kim's monitor.
Corey:I've never carried a PC before.
Kim:You'll get used to it.
Corey:It's still warm.
To the tire.
Kate:So you won't talk, huh?
Allie:Let some air out of him!
Inside the Taco Barney's restaurant atop a snow covered peak.
Corey:Is this where we're going to build our time machine?
Kim:Sure. It's got everything we need. A photo booth. A cuckoo clock. Some day-old chips. Now all we have to do is build it.
Carrie:Oh, no, you don't!
Corey:Hey, my pitch pipe!
Carrie:I need it for the time machine! Right, guys?
Lenny:I see where this is going.
She runs into the photo booth.
Kim & Konnie take turns hammering a nail. Corey & Lenny spill nuts & the latter saws wood with Carrie. Corey operates a screwdriver. Corey eats a taco. The Newmans eat sausages. Konnie threads a needle. Kim attaches a hose. Carrie spins clock hands and the machine starts up.
Carrie:I did it!
Corey:No, we did it!
Carrie:Wait. We did do it. As a tiem.
Corey:Okay, now for the brains!
It's Kim's PC.
Kim:Okay, Carrie, this is it. It's gonna take all of my PC's processors and energy to power this time machine.
Konnie:So, if you have anything you want to tell us to make up for the lack of power on my sister's PC-
Lenny:You better tell us now!
Carrie:Well, guys, I know I've taken you for granted all these years, and I, I just wanted to say, I'm glad you're always on my tiem.
Lenny:Oh, Carrie, that's the sweetest thing you've ever-
Kim & Konnie:Good luck, Carrie!
The rest of the Newmans exit the time machine. Carrie slams the off swtich and the monitor blinks 12 AM.
Corey:Carrie, are you crying?
Carrie:No, no, no! It's just one of the hazards of having make-up that's manufactured by a cheap knock off brand. There's always additional stuff in there. Anyway, where were we? Say “cheese”.
Corey & Carrie:Cheese!
With a flash, the photo booth time machine disappears, drawing Corey & Carrie into a new dimension of time and space. They fall toward a bright light. The aurora of a giant taco, which they crash through. The booth reassembles on a vast plain of sand. The 2 travelers step into the howling wind. Carrie with a calculator in hand.
Carrie:According to my calculations, your house should be right here!
Corey:What's that over there?
A white-bearded Kon.
Kon:Is it really you?
Corey:Yes, Kon ,it's-
Kon:Finally! The Great Grojfamine is over!
Corey:Great Grojfamine? What year is this?
Carrie:According to my calculations, we've only gone four days into the future.
Corey:Where is everybody?
Kon:They all gave up on you, but not me! Cause I'm not very smart.
Corey:Where is my house?
Kon:Right where it's always been!
The sand dune blows away and Kon is seated on top of Corey's roof. The house buried beneath. Corey and Carrie race back to the time machine. A curling kaleidoscope of Kin's head and a portal of pianos bring them to a dark place with a shiny floor. Lights go on. A tall figure in a long high-collared robe watches the universe from his triangular window.
Corey:I think we may be lost in time, Carrie. Maybe we should ask this guy for directions. Excuse me, sir? Can you tell us where we are?
Rousso:Who dares disturb The One Who Watches?
Corey:The One Who Watches? Your name is The One Who Watches?
Rousso:No, my true name is Rousso.
He has a donkey head.
Carrie:Rousso? What kind of a name is Rousso?
Rousso:It is my ancient donkey name.
Corey:So, what's a donkey doing out here in the middle of space?
Rousso:My kind have been watching and protecting the galaxy for 10,000 years!
Corey:So, you're the one keeping the meteors from hitting us.
Rousso:Yes, I am. And I could really do with a potty break. Would you mind keeping an eye on things?
Corey:Sure thing. But what am I keeping my eye on?
He floats into a donkey-labeled restroom. From outside, they're floating in a 2-dimensional prism. They watch Jupiter and Saturn over a swirl of stars.
Carrie:What are you doing?
Carrie:We don't even know what we're watching for!
Corey:Maybe we should split up the workload. You watch Saturn. I'll watch Jupiter. Like a team.
Carrie:Okay, mine's moving.
They're on a collision course.
Carrie:No, this doesn't seem right. Should we call Rousso?
Corey:Let's give him a minute. He's been holding it for 10,000 years.
The planets collide and a huge explosion occurs involving rubble.
Corey:I'm pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen. Come on, Carrie, we got to clean this up before Rousso gets back!
He scurries to stack the rubble. Then, lifts the floor like a rug to sweep it under.
Rousso:Much better. Yes. You two are free to go.
Rousso's tail carries a piece of toilet paper. Corey tosses the broom and grins.
Rousso:What happened to Saturn and Jupiter?
Saturn's rings fall out of view. Corey glances at Carrie.
Rousso:You were supposed to keep them from smashing into each other!
Rousso:Now I am going to lose my job! And you will lose your lives.
Rousso shoots a laser beam from his nose. Corey and Carrie dodge it. They see the time machine.
She flips him a coin, but a laser strike throws them into the time machine. Corey grabs the quarter from the floor as the laser hits. The time machine starts and they fall back through a tunnel of changing colors. Then turn black against a white background. At his house, Corey walks in on Carrie switching the diary with an identical book.
The time machine arrives.
Past Carrie:Corey? Who are you two supposed to be?
Future Carrie:I'm you, from the future.
Future Corey:And I'm him from the future.
Past Carrie:So you traveled back through time to help me? Great thinking.
Future Corey:Nope. She's helping me.
Past Corey:But she's the enemy!
Future Corey:Was the enemy. Now we're a team.
Past Carrie:What? A tiem?
Future Carrie:A team! All right, go get the diary.
Past Corey:What have I become?
Future Corey:All right, Carrie.
Carrie alludes his hand.
Past Corey:Do you have flying cars in the future?
Future Carrie:We only came back from the day after tomorrow, dimwit.
Past Corey:Are there rocket packs?
Another grab and a miss.
Past Corey:Did they outlaw makeup in the future?
Past Corey:Then why aren't you wearing any?
Future Carrie:Because I can only afford the cheap knock offs.
Future Corey:Hold still, you!
Carrie dodges the hand.
Past Corey:If you're from the future, what am I gonna say next?
Future Carrie:Something moronic?
Future Carrie:Hey, hurry up over there!
Past Carrie:That ain't good.
Alarm:Initiating lockdown sequence.
Future Carrie:Come on, Corey, we gotta get out of here!
Future Corey:Got it!
Future Carrie:Come on!
Holding the diary triumphantly, Corey sprints to the time machine, escaping a security lockdown. The time machine flies through a tunnel of lights.
Corey:That was crazy!
Carrie:So that's what teamwork is. All those years, I tried to make you mine and I finally did it. I mean, we did it!
On the pirate ship.
Rock-Beard:And so, it would seem that our heroes have accomplished all that they had set out to do.
G'ORB:Now that's an ending.
N'ORB:G'ORB, cue the music!
Rock-Beard:Oh, no. That's not the end.
N'ORB:So you mean the ending might be even happier?
The pirate opens his spyglass, he sees a modern beach and points dramatically.
Rock-Beard:Here we go! Land ho!
Adults, kids, chairs and umbrellas crowd the beach.
Kid:Mom, where's my towel?
A man looks up from an ice chest and squints.
The pirate ship aims for the shore, full throttle. It comes out of the water on wheels, moving across the sand like a dune buggy.
Teen 1:Dude, what is that?
Stunned sunbathers watch.
Rock-Beard:I'm coming! Come on, you lazy people! Out of my way! I'm coming! Out of there!
It slams through a lifeguard tower, terrifying a young boy. The pirate grins, steering the ship as it goes airborne along the beach bikepass, scattering skaters and riders. He wrestles with the ship's wheel as food truck patrons stare in horror. Past fleeing beachgoers, the ship does a four-wheel slide into a space at the curb.
Rock-Beard:Yeah! All right, you techno-spheres, time to shove off!
Rock-Beard:Well, I can't have you abducting my superstore, can I?
G'ORB:Superstore? I thought this was a pirate ship.
Rock-Beard:It is. But it is also...
A service window opens, amps & condiments come out, burners come on. Roped poles fire out of the gunports and one treasure chest holds discounted items while another contains cold drinks. A sail drops to reveal the words “Home of the Beard of Rock”.
Rock-Beard:My very own super truck!
Rock-Beard throws out his arms!
Rock-Beard:You know, a store on wheels.
Z'ORB:Like a garbage truck.
Rock-Beard:No! Are you trying to scare away my customers?
T'ORB:Well, we're not leaving until we see how the story ends.
Rock-Beard:No problem. You guys like a little snack while you wait?
T'ORB:Sure, I'll take some milk.
G'ORB:How about some fish?
T'ORB:And some french fries.
Rock-Beard:Who wants some orb goo?
He uncovers a plate.
G'ORB:Wait a minute! Where's N'ORB?
To the orbs.
Rock-Beard:Which one of you is next?
Rock-Beard glares and they scatter.
T'ORB:He's a madman!
G'ORB:Let's get out of here! You're crazy, man! You're crazy!
The pirate watches them go, then hears something.
N'ORB:Bye-bye, Mr. Poop. Now I can get my gold sticker.
An orb outhouse.
N'ORB:Hey, Mr. Pirate. I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
His skin flies off.
N'ORB:I can't float without my skin!
Stuart the minion drives a cab
Stuart(in minionese):Where to, N'ORB?
In Peaceville, a tire rolls along the apocalyptic ruins of Corey's house. Kon stares at a picture of a Belchy Burger.
Gigi:Still out of Belchy Burgers.
Kon licks the picture.
Kon:Does anyone have a picture of ketchup?
Laney:I've figured it out!
A ragged Laney walks in.
Laney:We have angered the music gods and only a sacrifice will appease them!
Monster Chuck:Well, that sounds reasonable.
Laney:Soon, our post-apoca-whatchamacallit will be over and lyrics will rain down from above!
Kin:Rain down? Well, that's no good. How will we get money?
Ice Cream Tom:You don't like that idea? Then we'll sacrifice you!
They're carrying Kin to his doom when the time machine appears. Corey throws open the curtains smiling.
Corey:It's not a good idea to have a sacrifice without any lyrics. Who's ready to see us perform?
He holds up the diary.
Trina:Corey, is that my diary? Oh, happy day! I missed you so much.
Kin grabs the diary.
Kin:Where was it? Where did you find it?
Corey:Well, the Newmans and I built a time machine out of an old photo booth and then we added-
With the flash, he's gone.
Kin:It's okay, everyone. The post-apocalypse is almost over!
Kin winks at Corey and opens the diary.
Kin:Ain't that right, Corey?
Kin:Grojband, eat our girly dust. Love, The Newmans?
Kin turns on them.
Carrie:You grabbed the wrong diary!
Corey:I'm sorry, Kin!
Kin:That's okay, Corey. We'll just have to sacrifice the two of you then. Prepare them for the sacrifice!
There's a flash.
Kon:I bring a message from the dawn of time!
Corey:What is it, Kon?
From the machine bursts a Trina-like T-rex.
It towers over them, drooling into an angry stone mode. While it happens, it tears up Corey's house. Corey and Carrie watch helplessly.
Corey:Well, Carrie, I guess we failed to accomplish our goals.
Corey:But even failure hurts a little less when you do it as a team, right?
Carrie:This is all your fault!
Kin is about to be swallowed.
Carrie:You're the one who stole the wrong diary.
Corey:I didn't know there were 2 diaries.
Carrie:Of course you didn't! Because you got the Bubble Bunch for brains! No, seriously, he really does.
Corey:Well, we wouldn't even be in this mess in the first place if you weren't so selfish and evil!
Carrie:I was selfish and evil until you ruined everything with your teamwork!
Corey:You take that back!
Carrie:You are the worst teammate ever!
Reeling, Corey kicks over a garbage can. Then, deliberately dumps out a recycling bin. He crazily hugs the two piles to his chest.
Cherry Grapestain:Oh, Lyricles, he's mixing garbage and recycling!
A cock-eyed Corey holds two handfuls of goo and puts them over his head. Suddenly, he regains his senses.
Corey:Look at me. Why, I've become like all of you. Savage. Fear-ridden. Selfish. An entire town of formerly good citizens turned into heartless freaks bent on their own self-prever...self-preter...
Corey:Yes! We've become alienated from each other. Each one an island unto himself, concerned only with ourselves. And in the name of all manhood, I am not about to let that happen!
He tears a trip of cloth from 3D Dave's shirt and makes a headband from it.
Corey:And so, if a sacrifice is needed to restore Peaceville to it's former glory, then I am willing to take one for the team!
He stands atop the ruins of the stage. Wind ruffling his headband. Carrie, Laney and the crowd stand with solemn expressions. Earl Rural takes off his hat respectfully.
Trina:You heard him!
They see Corey and carry him off!
A furious mob stands across an Aztec-style sacrificial pyramid.
Crowd:Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
Corey is chained to a stone platform shaped like the bottom half of a guitar with the top half dangling overhead, complete with strings. He's wide-eyed.
Kin:Let the sacrifice begin!
As Corey faces the hanging guitar weight, Trinasaurus rex speaks.
Trinasaurus:And I thought my friends were primitive.
Corey drags out his ear while sniffing.
Kin:Don't cry, dude. Everything's going to be fine, for us.
Corey:I'm not crying, Kin. I hear You're So Untrue!
Kin:That's right. Keep thinking happy thoughts. Now!
Trina snaps on an executioner's mask and swings her axe at a rope, releasing the weight, who winces as it falls. The stone lands on the platform. Then, Kin lifts it off of Corey.
Kin:My man's right!
He hurls the stone. A wilhelm scream is heard.
Kin:I hear I Must Be Losing My Mind! Okay, Corey, go get it!
Trina:Wait. You mean we can just take this stuff off?
Kin:Go find those songs!
Kin pushes him. Corey bounces down the pyramid.
Corey:Come on, everybody! I've got to zombie dance to the tire tracks of our music that I must perform for you, our number ones who always came first!
Tearing off their apocalyptic outfits, the crowd follows him up a bluff. His ears detatch to follow the sound waves.
Corey:It's coming from over there!
Everyone follows him. Corey leads them to a barren valley below a cruise ship, rotting on it's side. He leads them through a snowstorm, across the underside of gigantic branches, on the edge of the moon and seated on the wings of an eagle. They go up a vertical rock face and stop at the crest.
Corey:Come on, guys. I think it's just over this hill.
They look up at a portal. Sound waves go down.
Trina:How do you expect us to go into what could potentially be another dimension? We aren't able to reach up to it!
Barney:All right, all secondary characters come with me!
Trina:Yeah, I'm with you guys.
Kin:No way, Trina. You're going up there with us.
Kon:My fat hurts.
Corey:Kon, you were born fat.
Kon:It's not fair! You were born skinny. Laney was born skinny. Trina was born skinny.
Trina:Maybe a little too skinny.
We see her on a Fashion magazine cover. Unseen, the Newmans. Kim shrinks Carrie as she goes in Corey's sock.
Corey:It's not about being born skinny.
Trina:What is it about, then?
Corey:It's about being a team and sticking together, no matter what!
Trina:The only way we're going up there is if some fairy godmother shows up and helps us reach up to the portal.
A bright glow of light bursts around them. It's Rousso. A strip of toilet paper hangs from his tail.
Trina:Corey, you know this guy?
Corey:Don't hurt us! We're sorry we got you fired!
Rousso:Hurt you? Why, I traveled back through time to thank you. I've been stuck in that job for eons. I needed a change, but I was too afraid to go for it.
Corey:Well, Rousso, I'm glad we could help.
Rousso:Now it is my turn to help. I can get you safely to the surface. Now! Quick, all of you, get in my mouth.
Corey:Come on, guys, let's go!
Trina:There's no way I'm climbing into some donkey's mouth!
Kin:Yeah! This guy just wants a free lunch!
Corey:Guys, if Rousso has the courage to quit his dead-end, nowhere job and travel back through time to help us, then we need to have to courage to-
Rousso lunges, scooping them in his mouth. He flies off.
Kin:Well, I never thought I'd be eaten by a donkey.
Corey:No, if he was eating us, he'd be chewing us up and we'd be going down there. This is what you call riding in style.
Trina:Not a lot of room in here.
Kon:Well, maybe if your figure wasn't too skinny!
Carrie:Note to self: Never stow away in a gym sock.
Rousso flies into the portal and does a triple flip as he breaks through the portal. His ears open like a sunroof and all of his guests look up.
Kon:What's happening? I feel tingly!
Rousso shoots them straight-up through his ears! Then, he spins using his tail to swat them over a real beach.
Rousso:I've done all I can. The rest is up to you.
Corey:Thank you, Rousso!
Rousso:Now to update my resume!
He rockets into the sky, disappearing into the portal.
Laney:Does this dimension smell beautiful or what?
Trina:This place smells awful!
Corey:Come on, guys. Let's get Trina's diary and save Peaceville.
They track through the sand among the crowd.
Corey:What is this place?
Kin:I have a bad feeling about this.
Kon:Maybe this guy knows where we are. He looks smart. He's got five heads.
Corey:Sir? Could you tell us where to find a rock concert?
Kon:Hey, my friend's talking to you!
It's a bare foot.
He peeks around it.
Corey:A big, hairy giant!
A male sunbather.
Corey:It's beached! It's suffering. Poor thing.
Laney:Core, I think that's just a-
Kin:All hands on deck!
Kin:We need to get this guy in the water.
Corey:Come on! Push!
They get against his back and roll him over. The “Heave! Ho!” continues for a while.
Kin:Put your back into it!
Corey:Come on, push!
He rolls back onto them.
Trina:Well, I guess this is where that horrible smell was coming from.
They burrow out, racing beneath the sand and smack into a shovel. They split up, arriving at a little girl's sandcastle, startling her.
Corey:Excuse me, do you know where we can see a rock concert around here?
Boy:Invaders! You get out of my sister's sandcastle!
He kicks it hard and they go flying. Kon lands on a pink ice cream cone. Kin against a cotton candy cart. Laney and Corey on an umbrella. Trina on a gorgeous sunbather's back. Kon realizes he's on an ice cream.
Kon:Where have you been all my life?
He kisses it passionately, burying his head into the soft pink scoop. Trina's shiny shoes slip and slide on the girl's oiled back.
Girl:Oh, Frank. That feels so good.
Kon's face down in the cone.
The kid flings it and it nails Trina.
Kon:Oh, hey, Trina.
Corey:Laney! I hear One More Memory of You! I think I know where it's coming from!
His running spins the umbrella. When the owner shuts it, the two slide down one of the folds. When he pops it open again, they are tossed into the air. Sticking next to Kin on the cotton candy cart. They fall next to the dock.
Kon:Corey, you will not believe the size of the ice creams here. I wonder what other giant snacks they have. Cotton candy?
At the edge of the drum.
Laney:If you ate all of that, you'd have enough energy to run around the whole world!
Kin and Kon leap in. They're spun in circles covered in candy floss. Then they suck it all in at once. Back to normal, their eyes pop wide and their mouths are in a state of perpetual exclamation. Behind them, sweeping the cities of the USA and major world landmark wonders. From farther back, they're just standing as Laney changes postcards.
Trina:When is the sugar gonna wear off?
They face plant. Corey drags out his ear and climbs the postcard rack.
Corey:Hey, guys, I hear Sweet Dreams at 3:00! I think it's this way!
He leads them across the boardwalk.
Kon:Don't leave me, Trina!
They dodge, duck and spin through a madhouse of bike riders and skaters alike. Laney carries a terrified Trina to safety.
Trina:We're never gonna make it!
They are beneath a parked bike. Then, Kin & Kon are at the pedals. The others are steering.
Kin:We're doing it, guys!
A skateboarder stares at the empty bike and hits a pole, starting a pile-up.
Skater:Dude, watch out!
They head for a stroller. The kid points.
They dodge it.
Corey swings over to steer the bike out of it's path. But they volt up a surfboard against a truck and are shot into the air. They fall off the bike and into a wagon.
Corey:What? Home of Grojband?
Corey reads the sign on the main sail.
Corey:But Peaceville is the home of Grojband! Guys, what are we gonna do?
Kin:$8.99 on electronics? Why didn't I think of that?
The pirate performs This Bubble Don't Pop on a stage. They climb up and watch, outraged.
Kin & Trina:You!
The pirate turns wide-eyed.
Kin:Cease and desist that unauthorized singing!
Corey:Yeah, that's my job!
Rock-Beard:How did you get here? You cannot reach that portal.
Corey:Well, there was this magical donkey from the future who shot us out of his ears and-
He staggers over and grabs the book, reading.
Rock-Beard:That's not in the book.
Rock-Beard:There is no magical donkey in this story.
Rock-Beard:The story of how Peaceville was brought to it's knees when it's beloved Grojband songs were stolen by me, Rock-Beard.
Kon:How does it end?
Rock-Beard:Well, let me see. It looks like Rock-Beard becomes the richest store owner in all of the land.
Corey:But how did you steal my sister's diary?
Trina:Your answer better match mine!
Rock-Beard:That was easy. I simply rewrote the story, and poof!
A tiny book.
Kin:What do you mean, rewrote the story?
He writes with a quill.
Rock-Beard:The brave and handsome Rock-Beard banished our poor heroes to be stranded on Pelican Island!
Pelicans circle a tall rock in the middle of the ocean with jagged rocks below.
Corey:This looks bad. And these guys look hungry.
Corey and the group dodge the hungry birds.
A pelican swoops and misses, pushing Kon to the edge where he dangles.
Trina:Nice. So this is what teamwork gets you.
Kin:Here! Take Trina, you vile beasts!
Kon:I wanna be on a new team. This one's broken.
Corey:Laney, you're smart. You have any ideas?
Laney:I haven't been too smart since I found this old piece of paper!
The page marked “The End”. Carrie peeks from Corey's sock.
Corey ducks into his own hat as the pelican dives. As more circle, he pops up.
Corey:Wait a minute! Now all we need is some ink! Which Trina has helpfully provided.
A black puddle of make-up.
Trina:It happens when I'm nervous.
Kin:Whatever you're going to do, make it quick! They're closing in on us!
Corey:I'm gonna write us an ending.
Pelicans land, dwarfing them.
Kon:Will it be a happy ending?
Corey:It's going to be superpowered!
Sparks jump from the page and the pelicans scatter. The island radiates light. Only Carrie, who turns herself back to original size, is left and she grabs the feather.
Carrie:I'll show you a happy ending.
At Rock-Mart, the pirate can't sing or sell his merchandise fast enough. Merchandise is grabbed and money is shoved across the counter. His cash register is stuffed. Then, Rock-Beard sings 1+1 when suddenly, out of a flash in the sky, the four travelers land. Human-sized and buffed out. They pose like superheroes.
He's facing the wrong way.
Kon:Hey, I lack weight!
A female customer is amazed.
Customer:Those guys must work out!
Corey:We'll take one set of sheet music to go!
Rock-Beard leans out, wide-eyed.
Corey:Clear the area, citizens. There's going to be some serious aft-kicking here!
The crowd stares. One kid snaps a picture with his phone.
Rock-Beard:But I banished you.
Kin produces a weapon amp in thin air, turns it up to max volume and hits play.
G'ORB:My tiny little eardrums!
Rock-Beard:Hey, hey, wait! Hold on! Hold on!
Rock-Beard runs out.
Rock-Beard:Wait! Wait! Customers! Wait, please!
Corey:Beep Bot, take him down.
Kon scrunches his face and several electronics are yanked from beachgoers. With a dramatic gesture, Kon grabs the electronics and holds them up. As the sky darkens, Rock-Beard holds up a pink umbrella. Suddenly, Kon's face lights up with a smile as he plays a video game on a 3DS that he stole.
Corey:Maybe we should have picked a better superpower for you, Kon.
The pirate grabs the book.
Rock-Beard:Let's see you get out of this one!
Laney releases 2 electric wires, trapping Rock-Beard.
Corey:Get ready for the Front Man!
He farts a huge rainbow, which makes a bubble that engulfs the book and floats away.
Rock-Beard:No! My book!
Corey:All right, team, time for hands in the middle!
Laney:Yes! But first...
Laney pulls back the wires as the pirate frees himself from the other one which electrocutes him out.
Corey:Great job, guys. We did it!
A dark magenta glove.
Corey:Trina? Is that you?
Trina:You can call me Stiletto! Remember?
Kon:Hey, where did the pirate go?
They turn to see Laney's other wire reduce to sparks.
Corey strides forward. Then sees liquid on the ground. He tastes it.
Corey:It looks like Rock-Beard forgot the first rule of rock concerts. Always batten down your oil traps.
A trail of oil.
Kin:Follow that oil, team!
With a leap, the super powered Kin transforms his lower body into a jet-powered wheel. He peels out and slips past a theater as Laney, carrying Trina, scampers over the marquee. Laney rears up and they strike a cowboy pose. Then, back to the chase. The pirate ship peels through downtown with him at the wheel. Through his spyglass, he sees his book floating in the bubble.
Rock-Beard:There she blows.
Kon surfs on Corey's back, as the latter's butt produces rainbows, swooping and turning at pursuit of the pirate. They pass Laney & Kin. But Rock-Beard sees them gaining on him through his side-view mirror which reads “Objects Appearing Closer Than You Think”. He hauls down the four sails and takes off. The ship goes airborne for a second, just missing a sports car. Kin skids around the car in hot pursuit as Rock-Beard steers crazily down the street. Corey propels faster. Kon is close enough to reach for the ship.
Rock-Beard:Oh, no, you don't.
Kon grabs the side, kicking off Corey who propels himself into the crow's nest. He falls, grabbing Kon's trunks and pulling them down to his butt crack. Rock-Beard stomps a pedal, releasing the anchor which takes out Kon and Corey and reels out a chain far behind the ship. Rock-Beard spots the book bubble and scurries up the rigging. Behind him, towed by the anchor chain is everyone else, hanging on to Kin.
Corey:He's after the book! Laney, use your electric powers!
The wires go carefully along the chain. In the crow's nest, Rock-Beard strains for the book bubble.
Corey:It's never gonna make it!
He spots a huge iron guitar sculpture.
They pull hard toward the sidewalk. The anchor hooks the guitar strings and tears it from it's base. The chain goes rigid, yanking the ship back and throwing everyone to the street. The ship skids out of control as Rock-Beard clings to the mast.
G'ORB:That's what you get!
The Orb Experience watches, eating popcorn. The ship finally stops in a cloud of dust. As the mast teeters, Rock-Beard slowly turns. The book bubble is tantalizingly close.
Rock-Beard:Come here. Come here.
Corey:The book! Stiletto!
Healing in the streets, Trina goes into a variation of her angry diary mode in which she uses her ponytail to write random symbols which sends an avalanche toward the pirate and popping the bubble. The book falls below deck on to the electrified amp, it bursts into flames.
Corey:All right, Rock-Beard, prepare to be teamworked!
Rock-Beard:I'm going to make you the Back Man.
Corey:I don't get it.
Trina:Because your superhero name is the Front Man.
Corey:Get him, Livewire!
Laney:Consider him roasted!
Bystanders run as Laney buries her wire into a peanut cart. Leaping in the street, she shoots them at the pirate. When he dodges them, she goes full electric peanut machine gun. He bats them away with a guitar. He grabs a rope and jumps over the side.
Laney:Aw, nuts! I'm all out of nuts!
The rope hauls him back into the crow's nest. He taunts her.
Kon:Justice is best served in metal.
A hail of electronics shoot through the windows of a Best Buy down the street.
Corey:Kon, I should have never doubted your powers!
Rock-Beard swings around the crow's nest on a rope, redirecting the electronics at Kon, who staggers back as they strike him. Splattered, he topples to the street.
Kon:I can't think of a more shocking turn of events.
Holding up the tiny diary.
Rock-Beard:It's all mine!
Kin:Not so fast, Buttock-Beard!
Kin aims sound waves towards the ship, shearing off the mast. Rock-Beard falls. The mast crashes to the street and the tiny diary rolls away from the ship. Trina looks for a second as Kin strikes a pose.
Rock-Beard:This will make you feel a little butter.
A horn-shaped butter gun.
Kin & Trina:Not melted butter!
He aims and sends Kin flying into the distance while missing Trina who runs away.
Corey reaches for the diary. Rock-Beard yanks a lever and a dozen cannon barrels appear. He sets the bottle down. Rock-Beard yanks on the handle, firing all of the cannons. Corey dodges the cannonballs with a narrow miss between his legs.
In slow-motion, a cannonball flies past his butt which produces a rainbow bubble to trap the cannonball which drifts harmlessly away. He leaps like a ballet dancer as the cannonballs pass through the butt and the rainbow bubble holding them floats into the air. Rock-Beard watches fascinated as he tugs the firing handle. On his back, Kon texts somebody on one of the phones, watching a cannonball float above his face.
He pops the bubble, causing the cannonball to fall on his face.
Distracted by Kon's injury, Corey is smacked by a cannonball. The bubbles pop and the other floating balls fall, leaving craters in the street where he lies. Rock-Beard grabs the diary. Laney, watching from a music store, runs out and hovers over her friend. The sun behind her.
Laney:I gotcha! Core!
Laney:Talk to me, Core.
Corey:I'm seeing a bright light.
Kon blocks the sun with his super powered box head.
Kon:Is this better?
Corey:Much. Thanks, Kon. Lanes, the discomfort I feel in my eyes is nothing compared to the shame I feel for letting down the band. For letting down Peaceville.
Laney:Yeah, Core, you really blew it.
Corey:No, Lanes, we blew it, as a team. That includes you, Kon.
Kon:Nope. This one's on you.
Rock-Beard bounces behind the wheel of his ship.
Carrie:Where do you think you're going?
Carrie peeks above the deck's edge.
Rock-Beard:Why don't you get going, little fella, before you hurt yourself?
Her eyes frown and she ducks down. Then, the ship trembles and rises. Carrie is now a muscular giant who is dressed more like Corey rather than herself, holding the ship.
Shaking the ship.
Carrie:Come on down from there, little fella. You wouldn't want to get hurt.
Rock-Beard swings vertically from the wheel. He climbs up on it and into the ship's hold, closing the hatch. Scowling, Carrie tosses the ship straight up, rendering Rock-Beard weightless. Carrie flips it upright and spins it on one finger. Rock-Beard slams to the wall. Instruments thudding around him from the force.
Carrie:Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Rock-Beard squeezes hot sauce in her eyes.
Carrie hurls the ship and grabs her face. It crashes on the street. Rock-beard clamors out of the smashed halt and tiptoeing at first, runs down the street past Corey.
Corey:He's getting away!
The monstrous Carrie leaps over the ship.
Carrie:Ready to Car-Real him in with some rainbows?
Corey grins. Carrie grabs him and holds him up. Corey makes a loud fart. A tidal wave of rainbows rumble and crash behind Rock-Beard as he flees. It lifts him off of his feet and carries him up. Still running in place, he is carried by Carrie. He goes limp.
Carrie:The diary, please.
Rock-beard:Come on. Team up with me. We'll be rich and powerful!
Carrie:No thanks. I'm already part of a teamwork.
She puts out her huge hand. Rock-Bead drops the bottle to it. Carrie runs and drop-kicks the pirate into the horizon. Rock-Beard crashes onto a small island with a guitar-shaped palm tree, buried up to his neck in the sand. G'ORB lands on his head. The superheroes gather on the beach.
Kon:Can we do hands in the middle again?
Corey:Yes, we can, Kon. But this time, there's one more hand to go in the middle.
He gestures towards Carrie who doesn't join the circle.
Corey looks and finds him staring at the diary.
Carrie holds it in front of her eyes, then reaches down.
Carrie:Here you go, Trina. She's all yours.
Kin:This doesn't have another insulting note in it, does it?
Carrie:No, that's the old me. The one who turned her back on everything important just to have those lyrics all to herself.
The spotlight shines on her.
Carrie:But I realize now that keeping something to myself is selfish.
Corey:Especially when that something is a diary. Okay, everybody, let's get back to Peaceville and-Oh, no! I don't have the page!
Corey:It must be back on Pelican Island!
Carrie:Don't worry. I thought of everything. All right, Corey, take us home.
It's the page.
Corey:Come on, Operation:Go back home so we can thrash, bash, burn and crash and make today our day is now in play!
Trina:You must be losing your mind. I'll never leave this place! I mean, look at me. I'm a model!
Corey:No, Trina, you're a teenager.
He writes on the page.
Trina:Wait a minute! What? No!
She disintegrates and comes back in two-dimensions in her room.
Trina:Well, it was fun while it lasted.
The others appear.
Corey:Don't be sad, Trina. I left you a little surprise in the garage!
Trina exits her room and sees Nick Mallory standing there. She goes over to kiss him and then boom, it happens.
Trina:Swoon! Aw, Corey, you're okay in my book.
Bake Barnera:Excuse us! We'd like to hear whatever you feel like playing right now, please!
People swarm the garage.
Trina:That sound must mean things are back to normal.
They release balloons all over Corey's house.
Corey:Hey, Savage Fred! Are you ready for a rematch in Solo Shredder?
Savage Fred:Actually, I'm more in the mood for Smash Fighter 4.
Corey holds the cover.
Savage Fred:Also, could I use your super-rare lamyba of Sgt. Phoenix?
Corey:Sure! I'll get my lamyba of Kirbo.
Fred snatches Sgt. Phoenix(a parody of Captain Falcon; Kirbo is a parody of Kirby).
Corey:Caught you red-handed! Fred hates Sgt. Phoenix.
Fred:That's right. I prefer Joshai.
Fred holds a lamyba(a parody of amiibo) of Joshai(a parody of Yoshi).
Corey:Hello, Newmans! Up to your old tricks again already, eh?
Carrie:Hey, I'm just putting things back the way they were.
Corey:And I'm trying to tell you this. A one, a two, a one, two , three, four!
Song:We are Victorious
Corey:So with that said, what do you have to say about Carrie, Fred?
Savage Fred:Get over here!
Carrie:Sweet mother of Nerdiscious.
A chase scene. An angry Savage Fred pursues The Newmans who are terrified.
Corey:See you later, tiem mates!
Corey waves as Trinasaurus tries to eat a burger with her short arms.,
Corey:Oh, that reminds me! Thanks for coming out everyone!
He pulls down the garage ending the 2D scenes of the movie.
Z'ORB:Now can we sing it?
The Orb Experience surrounds Rock-Beard.
N'ORB:Please, Mr. Pirate?
He gives him a sincere look.
Rock-Beard:How can I say no to you?
G'ORB lowers a beanie hat onto him. A hand with a brush reaches across and turns the scene into a cartoon with Captain Tighty Whitey. The orbs sing with him.
Song:Grojband Theme Song
From a triangle in the sky, a cartoon Rousso pokes his head in the scene.
Rousso:Stop it! That's enough! Silence!
G'ORB:Oh man. I like that song. What happened?
Rousso:I don't like that song and I put an end to it.
G'ORB:Well, this music is terrible.
Rousso:I suppose you're entitled to your-Wait. Why am I talking to you?
Song:Grojband Epic Rap Battle
After the rap, Rousso disappears.
Song:Grojband Theme Song
Whales, elephants and cannons appear as a biplane tows a sign reading “Grojband”. Rousso returns from the sky.
Rousso:That was pretty good, actually.
Directed by Chris Renaud
Produced by Chris Meledandri
Characters lead by Corey dance along the bottom of the screen.
Associate Producers-Janet Healy and Pierre Coffin
Written By Cinco Paul, Ken Daurio & Todd Kauffman
Live Action Direction-Hnery Selick
Production Designers-Yarrow Cheney & Eric Guillon
Edited by Kyle Balda & Gregory Perler
Kate & Allie:This dance is so last year.
Music by Heitor Pereira
Based on the Cartoon Series “Grojband” Created by Todd Kauffman & Mark Thornton
Trina:You know what this needs? A little interpretive dance!
Sergio di Zio
Credits roll as the characters march in the other direction across the screen.
Universal City Studios did not receive any payment or other consideration, or enter into any agreement, for the depiction of tobacco products in this film.
© 2016 Universal City Studios, Inc. and Illumination Entertainment Inc. All Rights Reserved
The persons and events in this motion picture are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional.
This motion picture is protected under laws of the United States and other countries. Unauthorized duplication, distribution or exhibition may result in civil liability and criminal prosecution.
Savage Fred chases the Newmans with both characters as 8-bit sprites across the bottom of the screen. Followed are these logos:
Fremantle Media International
Finally, like other Universal movies of the past few decades, we see on a blue background what the MPAA has rated the film which in this case is PG.